Early 90’s thriller movie soundtrack (I was half expecting a tattooed Robert DeNiro to lower himself from under Ana’s VW every time she stopped), a brooding angry sadist (who could have been a sparkly vampire – they never showed him in direct sunlight), a jealous friend who wants to be more than a friend, a Red room (alarm bells should have been ringing in her head when Christian took her to his special playroom that didn’t have an Xbox anywhere in sight). Secondly, I felt, to fully embrace the theme of the movie, I had to watch it butt naked, while sitting in the lounge….on a saddle….wearing a gimp mask (I may have embellished a little for the effect).ĥ0 shades of Grey opens in the sleepy village of Vancouver, where a simpering Anastacia (Ana, Miss Steele, Bella – whatevs) meets a brooding billionaire name Christian Grey (Christian, Mr Grey, Edward – whatevs) and through constant ums, ahs, hair twirling and lip biting, seduces the unsuspecting Grey to introduce her into his world of murder, mayhem and intrigue. Firstly, I had to wait till my kids were asleep – not because I was afraid of them seeing imagery and concepts that will be foreign and frankly quite disturbing to them, but more because I would have to explain said imagery and concepts in detail and really…I couldn’t be bothered. Setting myself up to watch 50 Shades of Grey took a lot longer than it would most movies.
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